My personality....But anyway, I've started here at UAT, and it's pretty nice, despite the long, long list of things that have gone wrong with my transfer out here. My car died, my dad had to come get us in Indianapolis, I've started loosing absolutley everything, my phone got stolen, the car-movers lied about picking it up and I still don't have a vehicle three weeks later, I need the car to make a living as an artist right now, I can't get personal loans very easily because I'm unemployed, and I'm just about out of money. In fact, there was a point where I went about a week with less than 5 dollars.
But the point of this is that I've noticed something I hadn't really noticed before. I don't have social skills. I'm trying to figure it out, but I don't know what it is that I need to be comfortable around people. I'm friends with my roomates and like one other person. I constantly feel nervous, and it's really hard for me to talk to people. I always thought that I was the only geek in my group that wasn't socially enept, but apparently, it was just something in the enviroment that made me feel comfortable. I'm not speaking up in class, I'm not meeting new people, I'm not going out, and everything else is crumbling around me. Amy's just about the only constant that I have right now, even though she's a couple thousand miles away.
So I don't know what it is that's making me feel so out of place here. Once I feel open enough to actually talk to someone, I calm down, but for now, I'm a nervous wreak. I've had assignments where I was supposed to be in a group, and I've just done them myself because the few people I talked to were unreceptive.
So I'm sitting here, between classes, trying to waste time, surounded by mabey 160 people, and I don't think I could walk up and talk to a single one. I mean what the hell? How is there this much of a difference from highschool? Isn't college supposed to be more open? I know MICA was.
This is also making me doubt my choice to come here a little bit. I'm thinking about mabey looking at nearby art schools, seeing what's out here. I mean, I can still get into games with a B.A. in fine arts. Or mabey I've been wrong about this, and I want to continue the professional artist thing for the rest of my life. Hopefully I can figure out what the hell happened to make me such a social failure out here, because I absolutley have to get over it. I can't work in teh team-based industry of game design If I can't communicate, and I can't network as an artist if I can't communicate.
Dear god I am lost.
Christ, I am such an emo-duck.
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// Maya
IT'S BRIAN!!!!
HOLY CRAPP!!!!!
XD
....Yea, I haven't been posting b/c for some reason, I get all the way through, but it won't read the files...
--
And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast
the words: "Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!"
--
Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced that you're alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable
*whispers* c'est moi! Laurel le lovely extraordinare!
I will click ze button now and befriend you!
--
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet
Are of imagination all compact
-Shakespeare-
--
"The words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls -
and tenement halls, and whisper'd
in the sound...
of silence."
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